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Lead With Kindness

Kindness and leadership aren't often expressed together. Too often in our culture kindness is conflated with softness, weakness - when, in fact, the opposite is true. To be kind is to be brave - to tell a hard truth if it is the right thing to do, to sacrifice and go beyond oneself in considering others' needs, to respect and honor differences among all people while recognizing our common humanity. I often say that character is the true work of a school, it's why we do school. In this post, I would like to focus on three snapshots of "leading with kindness" at Saint David's.

Motivational speaker Ben Hartranft was diagnosed with autism when he was a child. At a young age he was told that he would probably never read or write. But the kindness of others and his openness to life proved them wrong. Ben recently visited Saint David's to share with our second graders and their seventh grade buddies how kindness and inclusion from others shaped his life and enabled him to live his dream as an advocate for autism awareness. He, who had been told he wouldn't succeed, is now a successful speaker. His message: "One kind person can change the world" for another human being. Ben's talk resonated with our second graders' experience as they regularly engage with children who have autism or autism-related disorders through our year-long collaboration with the Manhattan Childrens Center. Throughout their interactions with their MCC friends, the boys have learned many ways to communicate and engage with others, and recognize that a foundation of similarity lies beneath differences among people.

At times, we all face interpersonal conflicts, disagreements that we just can't seem to move beyond. Without the tools to resolve conflict in a positive way, we end up stuck, fracturing relationships, worsening situations. In recent sessions with all of our boys and faculty and staff, Jason Craige Harris, our community and inclusion partner, identified steps and developmentally appropriate tools we can all use to successfully clarify and resolve conflicts: clarify, connect, change. How can we first calm ourselves so that we are open to expressing our thoughts and feelings, or inquiring about the thoughts and feelings of others in ways that encourage connection? Jason reminded us that humans oftentimes default to the negative. Instead, in tension-filled moments, we can learn to be intentional about practicing kindness.

Just this past Friday, Saint David's seventh grade boys partnered with their peers from the Nightingale-Bamford School for a series of leadership and team building activities during a kind of leadership retreat. The boys and girls explored the value of both speaking and, more importantly, listening, and engaged in several small group challenges, including one in which they used what they learned about collaboration and communication to stack cups. The session's ground rules: to be open-minded and considerate, respect oneself and others, be aware of one's own needs - all are rooted in kindness and emphasize the value of each person's contribution and perspective.

Why is this all so important? Kindness is the key to establishing thriving relationships - the relationships between boys and their teachers, boys and each other, and families and the school. Through kindness we support, empower, and advance agency in our boys. This is particularly important during their formative years to foster social-emotional health and well-being. 

As a school founded in a faith tradition, kindness from our mission's framework serves to guide our Sophrosyne health and wellness curricula, advisory programs, religion and world-religion course, and other programmatic initiatives. When all boys feel seen, valued, and cared for, the ripple effect is tremendous. They are in a state of readiness to push their learning ever higher, to achieve and succeed in their academic, artistic, athletic, and spiritual endeavors confident that who they truly are is more than just enough, it's perfect.


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