A Culture of Kindness

It’s not always easy to raise a boy. There is seemingly a constant concern about the crisis in boys’ social development, mental and emotional health, and scholastic achievement. The cultural winds can batter and worry even the most optimistic parents among us. However, there’s ample evidence that boys can be successfully reached, can learn, grow, and be taught using proven pedagogy and an approach that focuses on the relational dimension of teaching and learning.

We focus on this relational dimension at Saint David's and, guided by our founding faith, we ground that dimension in kindness. As I wrote in my opening letter, kindness speaks to the core essence of a “good man” or a gentle-man. In fact, and in practice, going against a broader popular culture that does not always celebrate kindness is the work of our school.

Kindness does not necessarily equate to being "nice" or "cheerful." Acts of kindness can very well be keeping expectations for behavior high, holding each other accountable for our actions, and cultivating a habit of deliberate moral introspection, so that we recognize when we make mistakes and fall off course, and then work to make amends, and right our course.

A signature way that Saint David's approaches the cultivation of kindness is through the character component of our Pre-K through Grade 8 health, well-being, and character program, Sophrosyne, which derives from the Greek virtue of excellence of character and a healthy state of mind.

This year, we have partnered with consultant Jason Craige Harris, who collaborates with our Inclusion, Diversity and Community team and our Sophrosyne faculty in helping us be an ever more inclusive and kind community. Last week, Mr. Harris met for a session with faculty and led developmentally appropriate workshops with boys in all grades that addressed what it means to be kind, the impact of our actions vs. our intent, and, in particular, the importance of "having kindness toward yourself." He focused on using respectful language and what boys can do in situations where their peers are being teased. "How can you help?" He asked the boys. Our boys' responses, all insightful, varied: "You can tell the teaser they need to stop;" "You can tell a grownup; "You can think about how you would feel if this was done to you."

Ultimately, we want our boys and our entire community to approach difficult situations with compassion and kindness, and to embrace and learn from difference in its many manifestations. By concentrating on the relational - the relationships between teachers and boys, boys and boys, and the school and families - we can go far in strengthening a compassionate, caring community where growth and learning thrive.

As Mr. Harris notes in the video above: "We are all in this together." Ut Viri Boni Sint.

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David O'Halloran, Headmaster - Saint David's School, New York City

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