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Building an Even More Inclusive Community

Saint David's Co-Directors of Inclusion, Diversity and Inclusion, with Dr. Derrick Gay 

As a school that deeply values "true community," we want our children to embrace civility and respect difference, to always demonstrate a commitment to stand up for what is right. In so doing, our boys can live more meaningfully and can experience the joyful penned in our mission; a joy that isn't defined as happiness per se, but rather the deep satisfaction that comes from knowing and accepting oneself, and then, by extension accepting and respecting the humanity in others, regardless of difference. 

In this light, we continue our partnership, now in its seventh year, with Dr. Derrick Gay, whose sessions focus on building an ever more inclusive and respectful community where all of our boys, their families, and our teachers and staff feel a sense of deepening connection and belonging. Last week, Dr. Gay met with boys in all grades for sessions that promoted efforts among the boys to help new students find their place at Saint David's; encouraged them to make new friendships among boys in their class whom they haven't gotten to know; and promoted the notion of demonstrating leadership by being a friend to someone who has fallen out of favor. 

The boys also reflected on the difference between inclusion and exclusion and discussed specific strategies they could employ to include others, especially in the context of friendships. The sessions were interactive and geared to the developmental level and lived experiences of the boys in each grade. As an illustration, seventh and eighth graders discussed how their roles as leaders of the school might be perceived by younger boys. Reflecting on when they themselves were in first grade, the boys recalled that when they saw seventh and eighth graders, they "looked up to" the older boys and thought them "cool," "scary," "someone I would want to know, and I would want them to know me." This exercise helped the boys to understand how younger boys perceive them now and underscored their shared responsibility to lead kindly and by example.  Seventh and eighth graders also were asked to identify "differences" that they have observed can lead to being excluded, and the emotions that being excluded elicits. Naming universal emotions like anger, frustration, sorrow, helps boys gain a better understanding of the impact of exclusionary behavior.

In Grades Three through Five, classes as a group defined "stereotype" as preconceived notions about an individual based on group membership. They discussed how stereotypes, whether negatively or positively framed, don't allow an individual to be an individual. The boys also discussed the challenges of unkind jokes, and agreed that being funny and telling jokes is appropriate, but that we should not tell jokes that hurt others. Finally, recognizing that no one is perfect, the classes explored the nature of an authentic apology--taking ownership for the impact of your words or actions: "Saying you're sorry and meaning it," which includes, "looking someone in the eye" and "not just saying 'Sorry'; feeling remorse for your actions; and not repeating the same action. 

For his session with our kindergartners, Dr. Gay was joined by "Elmo" and "Cookie Monster." Via video, the Sesame Street characters helped convey the concept of empathy--caring and understanding about the feelings of others--in an engaging manner that the young boys could comprehend.

In addition to providing workshops for the boys, faculty, staff, and our parents, Dr. Gay collaborates with Jessica Pagan and Pedro Morales, our school's Co-Directors of Inclusion, Diversity and Community and with Saint David's teachers on the empathy and inclusion elements of Sophrosyne, our school-wide character, social-emotional health and well-being program.

At Saint David's, we believe the development of compassion and kindness builds and strengthens connection and belonging among all our boys--whatever their belief traditions, backgrounds, or family circumstances. It brings a joyful balance to our lives. All of our efforts to promote empathy, cultivate cultural competency, and deepen inclusion are grounded in our school's mission and values, and in the shared values of our families. Ut viri boni sint.


www.saintdavids.org

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